Getting What You Want

Over the weekend of July 15th, Georgine and I attended the International eWomenNetwork Conference in Dallas.  Among several great speakers was the incomparable and much beloved Zig Ziglar.  In spite of being 85 and having suffered some minor short term memory loss as a result of a fall in his home more than 3 years ago, he is still traveling the world spreading his message of inspiration and motivation.  With the help of his daughter (who interviews him and helps him remember things), he shared stories about his childhood, his long-term marriage, and the importance of family – something he refers to as the “home court advantage.”  His talk was heartwarming and poignant.

Of all the things he said, one thing had the greatest impact on me.  He said, “You can have anything you want if you help others get what they want.”  This idea is central to respect because it’s about doing for others, honoring the needs of others, and recognizing that there may be others who require support more immediately than you do.  Now, I admit . . . this can be hard at times.  I speak from experience when I say that sometimes when I’m in need, I’m convinced that it is indeed the most important thing happening.  It takes self-awareness and humility to recognize and internalize that the world doesn’t revolve solely around me (or you).

When Madd-Steiny works with clients to manage change, we encourage small acts of getting what you want through helping others get what they want.  This is especially important during times of change because just about everyone is dealing with some sense of loss or struggling through transition.  Everyone needs something.  So, by helping others, there is an energy shift that takes place and the result is more space for solutions.  Sometimes, by focusing on the needs of others, we learn that our needs are not as significant as we initially thought – we might even let go of something because it’s clear that it doesn’t matter as much as someone else’s need.  Here are some things you can do to get more of what you want, during times of change or any time:

·    Every day, ask at least one person: “How can I support you today?”
·    Offer to take something off a co-worker’s plate.
·    Take on some extra assignments to reduce someone else’s workload.
·    Listen with compassion (and without talking) when a colleague needs to “let off some steam.”
·    Recognize the successes of your teammates loudly and proudly.

When I’ve taken the time to extend a hand to help others, it has always helped me get what I want.  I hope the same is true for you.

Lynae

Reflections on Trust

This week I’ve been thinking about trust; the influence it has on relationships, the impact it has on our work, and the process that creates it.  I have seen evidence in many organizational cultures that trust can easily erode during challenging or changing times.

As I reflect back on the employee groups that we have worked with to build a respectful workplace, the common experience I’ve had with all groups is that everyone recognizes the power of trust and wants to build trusting relationships with more people at work.

Our experience with employees is that it’s pretty easy to identify what a trusting relationship looks like.  All we have to do is think about one that we have in our lives.  The characteristics that are identified are always the same.

• You feel you can depend on them no matter what the situation – they “have your back”
• You can talk about anything and information flows freely – even constructive feedback because you believe they care and have the best intentions
• Listening to each other is a common practice
• Confidentiality is honored
• You are able to work out disagreements – these relationships endure conflict and differences are honored
• Trust gets built over time. It’s a process.

The real challenge for most of us is how to regain trust that has been lost or diminished and act on it.

Here is some great advice that one employee group offered as they worked to answer the question: What can I do to help regain or rebuild trust in a relationship where it’s been lost or diminished?

• Approach the other person and request a time to talk
• State your intentions – i.e. you want a stronger, healthier relationship
• Stay mindful of your own behavior and manage your emotions, staying true to your intent
• Be honest, share your perceptions (using “I” statements) and request what you want/need
• Ask the other person for their perspective and what they would request
• Restate what you heard and commit to what you can and will do to build a more trusting relationship
• Forgive the past, start fresh in the present and create a better future relationship
• Persevere – trust is a process that develops over time

Best wishes,

Georgine

Curveballs

Recently, my yoga instructor opened class with this philosophical ditty:  “When life throws you a curveball, try to find the wisdom and grace to look upward and say: ‘Nice pitch!’” Well, he got me with that one . . . I’ve shared it with friends, clients and colleagues repeatedly.  Since then, I’ve been pre-occupied with thinking about how I react when life throws me curveballs.  Usually, I get frustrated.  Then, I get irritated.  Suddenly, it looks as though there are more curveballs being thrown my way.  Because─now I’m looking through a lens that filters everything so I see problems or challenges where I might not have otherwise.  When a curveball heads my way, sometimes I throw my bat instead of simply accepting that, for the moment, I’ve been bested.

The wisdom and grace to say “nice pitch” would allow me to accept that I missed a pitch!  So what?  That doesn’t make me ineffective or incapable or incompetent.  It makes me human.  Joe DiMaggio had a lifetime batting average of .398, and he’s considered one of the greatest ball players in history.  That’s a swell average!  And, it means he missed some pitches too.  While sports analogies aren’t exactly my forte, this one helps me point out that being great doesn’t mean being perfect.  It means accepting that sometimes you swing and miss.  Wisdom and grace allows us all to accept our humanity─our strengths, our weaknesses, and our potential.

As leaders, we have to keep in mind how our responses to curveballs provide a model for how our teams deal with their own misses.  Here are some questions for reflection:

• Does your team see you throw the bat? Or, do they see you smile, step back, take a breath, and try again?
• How do you expect your team to deal with curveballs?
• Do you create an environment where it’s okay to swing and miss once in a while?
• How do you help your team learn to watch for curveballs so they are ready to respond appropriately?
• When someone “hits one out of the park” do you take a close look and find out why so you can ensure it happens again and again?

Batter up!

Lynae

Respect and Extraordinary Groups

I attended a networking event where the speaker talked about his research on what makes groups and teams “extraordinary.” The information he shared was practical and helpful. And although he didn’t specifically say that respect matters in building extraordinary teams, he talked about what I consider to be respectful actions, such as accepting differences and listening to the contributions of others. His talk got me thinking about how respect can influence whether or not a group is extraordinary-meaning that the group gets great results, shares a sense of purpose, and is engaged. What would a group be without respect?

How can you instill respect into a group quickly and witness some pretty “extraordinary” results?
Here are some tips:

• Define shared values. Values serve as powerful guideposts to actions and attitudes. Get your team together and select 5 core values that guide everything you do.
• Establish behavior norms. Involve everyone in the group to agree on the standards of behavior that will guide everyone’s interactions. Examples include: come to meetings prepared; turn off cell phones during meetings; and question someone’s ideas, not their values.
• Explore and honor different perspectives. Next time your group is given a project or is expected to meet a specific goal, bring the group together and invite different ideas about how to go about it. Brainstorm freely and encourage the group to think creatively. See if you can come up with an entirely new approach to an ‘old’ situation.

Give it a try, and let us know what happens.

Respectfully,

Lynae

Count Your Blessings!

I returned home last night from a business trip completely exhausted.  The reception that I received from my two teenage boys and husband completely filled me with a life force that I can still feel today.  What did they do?  My husband made a delicious dinner for us to enjoy together and my boys each gave me a long and heartfelt hug!  Little things, I know.  They made a BIG difference for me.

Later, as I was attending to the large number of emails that had been delivered over the past several days, I posted a comment on Facebook about how much I LOVED my life.  Immediately, I received comments in return from a significant number of people.

Today I’m thinking about the incredible energy that is available to me when I take time out of my busy day to simple count my blessings – to give attention to all of the things that are “right” in my world.

Lynae and I are committed to the philosophy that “organizations move toward what they study” with our work in organizational development. We know the importance and power of focusing on “what’s working” and helping organizations plan to “do more of what works” rather than focus on “what’s wrong”.  We often bring the Appreciative Inquiry model into our strategic planning projects with organizations as well as our training and development work.

We can all apply this philosophy to our work and personal life and reap the benefits.  Here are three simple steps to put this into action in your life today.

Discover: When are you at your best?

Dream: What success do you want to celebrate in 1-3-5 years?

Design: What have you done before, that you could do again to get closer to your dream?

Respectfully yours,

Georgine

Why do we tend to look at what others are doing, instead of at what we are doing?

I’m a human being.  Yep, I admit it.  And, as one, I am guilty of looking outside of myself for the cause of my problems, my feelings, and my results.  Irritating.  I know I shouldn’t, because I have a giant responsibility (if not the sole responsibility) for everything that happens in my life.  Duh.  So why is it that I sometimes find myself looking around me for causes when the results aren’t what I’d like?  Why does anyone?

When I look outward, it’s because I don’t want to look at the character flaws I know I possess.  It’s easier to notice someone else’s flaws.  It doesn’t sting as much.  But, it is not only disrespectful toward the other . . . it’s disrespectful to myself.  By reducing me and those around me to a set of flaws by which I apply a measuring stick, I am setting myself and them up for failure.

I have a choice every day to look at myself as a miracle (and to see others that way too).  It is miraculous what we can achieve – alone and together, flaws and all.  So, how can I make this my reality?  How can I show myself more respect?

• I resolve to look more closely at my strengths, rather than to dissect my flaws.  (Because when I focus on my flaws, it makes me feel lousy and to make myself feel better, I start to look at the flaws of others.)
• I resolve to pay more attention to what I am doing to influence the results I am getting.  (Because it’s hardly ever someone else’s fault when my results aren’t good.)
• I resolve to lighten up when I foul up.  (Because, I am a human being, and sometimes, doo doo happens.)

What does it feel like to work in a respectful workplace?

I’m blessed to work with a partner who respects me, and who I respect.  As a result, our workplace is filled with grace and ease.  We have fun.  And, even when we don’t agree on something or find ourselves in a challenging circumstance, we’re able to approach the situation with kindness toward one another.  Okay, so from time to time I know I can be a little stubborn about things . . . and still, Georgine doesn’t respond with sharpness or impatience.  She hears me out.  And, I try to do the same for her.  I hope I’m successful most of the time.

So, when thinking about what it feels like to work in respectful workplace, it was easy for me to come up with some descriptors: fun, light-hearted, productive, responsive, creative, effective, inspiring, and safe.

I can’t imagine what it would feel like to work in a disrespectful workplace, and I don’t really want to find out.  All I know is that we have a respectful workplace because we choose it.  And, I have responsibilities in that department.  I can’t expect Georgine to do all the respect work.  Respect is a two-way street. Like our video says:  “Want more respect?  Do more respect.” So here are some of the most important things I have to do:

• Listen.  And, that doesn’t mean just keep my ears open.  It means I have to keep my mind and heart open to discover the meaning behind the words.
• Accept.  I have to take it as it comes.  Not everything gets to be on my terms.
• Collaborate.  I’m in a partnership.  It’s not all about me.
• Celebrate.  It’s important to acknowledge our successes and share what’s right in our world.

When I do these things, and more, I feel the respect we have for each other in my bones.  And, I love that feeling.

Stop and Listen

Listening is an action that everyone I have encountered agrees is respectful. Yet, as most others I imagine, my listening tends to be very egocentric. I find myself listening to others and my mind is affirming the commonalities I have (ways to relate to what they are saying) or observing ways I am different.

Listening to simply understand is a practice that takes self awareness and discipline.

I love this excerpt from Margaret Weatley’s book called Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future that I read a number of years ago and it reminds me about the importance of staying focused in the moment; to truly listen to a friend, colleague or family member share their voice and experience.
Great healing is available to us when we listen to each other. No matter what we have experienced in life, if we can tell our story to someone who listens, we find it easier to deal with our circumstances. Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present (and that takes practice!) and willing to just sit there and listen with the intent to understand. Why is being heard so healing? It has something to do with the fact that listening creates a relationship.

We know from science that nothing in the universe exists in isolation. Everything takes form from relationships. Our natural state is to be together. Though we keep moving away from each other, we never lose the need to be in relationship. Not listening creates fragmentation. Listening moves us closer to becoming more whole.

Here are some tips that, when I practice, make me a better listener.
• Listen as if the other person is truly wise.
• Listen with an openness to be influenced by another’s perspective.
• Listen in a way that supports the other to fully expressing themselves.
• Listen for deeper questions, patterns, and insights.

photo credit: B Rosen

RESPECT: Find out what it means to us!

I believe that we are all called to speak about or focus on topics that “call us”. The topic and practice of respect has been calling me for a couple of years now. I’m proud that my partner and I have answered the call. Interestingly, as the journey continues, so does my fascination with it.

My thoughts today are on the well know lyrics of a popular song by Aretha Franklin.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it means to me

I find myself singing those lyrics with great passion, hoping that the people in my life ask me the question that I long to answer for them. What does it mean to me?
In the quiet of my space, I wonder if they are longing to have me ask them the question.
What does respect mean to you?
Let us know what respect means to you.

Aretha_Franklin_-_Respect

Welcome!

Welcome to the world of respect! My name is Lynae, my name’s Georgine and we’re Madd-Steiny. Check out our youtube video about respect. It is an inspirational video designed to engage employees to act in ways that enhance your workplace culture. In just 3 minutes you can make a difference in your workplace, school, or community. This blog was started to create awareness and bring respect to all. Do you know the definition of respect? Here is what the dictionary says:

Respect is an esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability.

That’s the formal definition but we want to know what YOU think respect is.

Respect is…