Remembrance

With the tenth anniversary of 9/11 nearly upon us, I want to offer up some thoughts in memory of that day.  I believe in the power of love and the incredible resilience of the human spirit.  In spite of all that was lost on that day, both tangible and intangible, there remains a sense of hope and renewal that is at the core of humanity.  I can only imagine how the loved ones left behind in a vapor of loss watched incredulously as the Earth continued to spin.  They must have been certain that all the clocks would stop and the wind would cease, just as the lives of their family and friends had.  And yet, the sun still rises and sets, the leaves still flutter in the wind, the seasons pass, and life goes on.  Therein lies hope.  No matter the pain and suffering, the sun will rise tomorrow and we have another chance to live fully.

The best thing I can do in remembrance is to do just that: live fully and with hope.  So, in that vein, here are my remembrance commitments:

• Be nice and work hard.
• Be of service to others.
• Give more than I take.
• Spend as much time as possible with the ones I love.
• Never give up on hope.
• Laugh.

I would love to hear your remembrance commitments.  Share them with us, please.

In remembrance,

Lynae

Making Amends

The nature of being human includes making mistakes, missteps, or misstatements.  I can attest to being quite human then . . . especially lately.  Anyway, it’s important for us to make amends when we do something that has made someone else:

• Work hard to fix your mistake or clean up your mess
• Feel bad because you said something offensive or hurtful (even if unintentionally so)
• Question your integrity or intentions.

It’s important to make amends because it’s in the best interest of healthy and productive relationships to do so.  Whether in your professional or personal life, making amends and owning your mistakes is an act of commitment to relationship.  It says to others that you know your humanness has “gotten in the way” and you’re sorry.  It also says that you are aware of your shortcomings and are willing to look at them and work to overcome them.  Making amends is a powerful action that also builds trust among colleagues, partners and friends.  Mistakes are easier to forgive when there is an attempt to make amends.

Speaking of forgiveness . . . well, there’s another powerful act of commitment to relationship.  When someone with whom you work or are friends with makes a mistake, and he or she attempts to make amends, choose to forgive.  It takes courage to acknowledge one’s own mistakes.  Give the gift of forgiveness in return.  It’s a gift that will release both of you from feelings of resentment or mistrust.  And, it will hasten the return to productivity, grace and ease in the relationship.  Finally, it might make things that much easier for others to forgive you when the time comes that you slip up.  Because, that time will come, you human being.

Making amends includes:

• Being aware that your action(s) have caused hurt or inconvenience for others.
• Owning up to your shortcomings.
• Apologizing to those who have been affected.
• Forgiving yourself and moving on.

Accepting amends from others includes:

• Acknowledging and receiving their apology without judgment.
• Forgiving them and moving on.
• Hoping they’ll do the same for you when you next slip up.

Warmly,

Lynae

Press your “Pause Button” in a Trigger Situation

My blog for this week is inspired by a “quote of the week” that I received in my mailbox.  The quote is by Doug King and reads, “Learn to pause…or nothing worthwhile will catch up to you”.

Effective leaders are often recognized as having good people skills. But the person they are most skilled at handling is themselves. They start from the inside and work out.

Emotional Intelligence is an inside-out job. It starts with oneself. The more skilled a leader is at emotional self-awareness and emotional self-regulation, the more effective they are in leadership.

Research in the area of emotional intelligence has shown that when people are aware of their emotions and reactions, they are better able to self-regulate and choose how they want to respond.

Emotional self-regulation is the ability to step back in an emotionally charged situation and “hit the pause button” before responding. When you do this, you can make better decisions about what to say or do (or not say or do) in that situation.

When situations trigger a negative response, we are more likely to act in ways that are defensive, disrespectful and unproductive.  When leaders form a habit of “hitting the pause button” they are better able to recognize how to respond in ways that would be helpful to change, effective communication and resolution.

Here is a simple exercise to help you experience the benefit of “hitting the pause button”.

1.       Describe a situation that typically triggers a negative reaction for you.

2.       “Hit the pause button” – step back and ask yourself:

• What is my self-talk around the situation that is making me feel negative?  And, how can I coach myself to stay calm and focused?
• What do I want the outcome of this situation to be? And, how can I respond to best lead toward this outcome?

3.       Choose the response that is most respectful and productive.

Warm Regards, Georgine

Look For What You Want

Our good friend and colleague, Laura Goodrich, has just published a book to accompany her video Seeing Red Cars.  We are pleased for her success, and really appreciate her message.  It’s so much in alignment with Madd-Steiny’s philosophy of moving toward what you study.  When we work with organizations, we help them look for what is positive and life-giving about their culture and community, instead of only looking at something that needs to be “fixed”.

Goodrich’s message is simple:  Focus on what you want.  We are conditioned throughout our lives and in our culture to identify what we don’t want.  Many of us have a natural inclination to be motivated by our fear of loss or failure.  In the book, Goodrich cites research that “it is estimated that we have 12,000 – 50,000 thoughts coursing through our brains each day, 70% of them are focused on what we don’t want and what we’d like to avoid.”  Perhaps it’s that Neanderthal in all of us that is motivated to avoid being eaten by something bigger than we are.  There is something undeniably important about outrunning predators.  But, I believe that one of the most threatening predator to our success is our own thought process.  The downside to thinking about what we don’t want, is that we often take our eye off the “ball”─the “ball” being our goals and desires.

So, what can you do, right now, to help focus on what you want and create the results you desire?  Start as I do on most days (not all days . . . I’m an imperfect animal with Neanderthal tendencies):

Create a list of what you want from the day.  This is not a ”to-do list”.  Rather, it’s a list of what you want your day to bring and the experiences you want to have.

This list, helps set an intention for your day and shifts your focus to what you want.  And, these intentions don’t mean you are aspiring to greatness every moment; small steps matter.  Here are some examples:

Today, I want to . . .

-       Create something new.

-       Step outside of my comfort zone.

-       Feel a sense of accomplishment.

-       Have fun.

-       Learn something.

When you set these intentions, your focus then becomes about “how to “ vs. “how not to”.  Try it tomorrow when you awake and see if you don’t find more and get more, of what you want.

Lynae

Values and Health

Last week, I participated in an event with the Minneapolis Heart Institute which focused on women’s heart health.  I talked about values and how they play an important role in helping people gain a strong sense of self, which in turn can help people choose healthy behaviors.

I did some homework for the talk and discovered that there is a growing body of research that affirms the “role of self” in preventing and recovering from health events.  To quote one of the articles I found, “How the self is defined determines what goals will be meaningful, which in turn determines what behaviors will be enacted to meet those goals.”  So, it follows (as the article also pointed out) that “the self likely plays a pivotal role in regulating individual thoughts, motivations and decision-making activities relevant to health behaviors.”  In other words, if I value vitality, it’s likely that I would behave in ways that increase my energy – like exercising regularly, eating well, and getting plenty of sleep.

Values are at the core of our selves, and help us gain a clear sense of who we are and how we want to live.  I was delighted to see research about how the role of self and one’s value system influences health.  It just reinforced what Georgine and I have believed and shared with clients for many years now.  That’s why we created a suite of products to help people discover their values – to help people improve their results.

What I appreciated about being able to participate in the event last week was to help women see how values can serve as another tool to help them make healthy choices.  And, perhaps clarifying your values will help you too.  Here are some questions to help you get started:

·    What are your 5 core values – those values that are most important to you right now in the age and stage of your life?
·    How do these values show up for you?
·    What do you gather around you in your life that reinforce or align with your values?
·    What can you let go of that doesn’t support your values?
·    How do your values help you make choices that help you live a healthy life?

Wishing you health and vitality,

Lynae

Stop and Listen

Listening is an action that everyone I have encountered agrees is respectful. Yet, as most others I imagine, my listening tends to be very egocentric. I find myself listening to others and my mind is affirming the commonalities I have (ways to relate to what they are saying) or observing ways I am different.

Listening to simply understand is a practice that takes self awareness and discipline.

I love this excerpt from Margaret Weatley’s book called Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future that I read a number of years ago and it reminds me about the importance of staying focused in the moment; to truly listen to a friend, colleague or family member share their voice and experience.
Great healing is available to us when we listen to each other. No matter what we have experienced in life, if we can tell our story to someone who listens, we find it easier to deal with our circumstances. Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present (and that takes practice!) and willing to just sit there and listen with the intent to understand. Why is being heard so healing? It has something to do with the fact that listening creates a relationship.

We know from science that nothing in the universe exists in isolation. Everything takes form from relationships. Our natural state is to be together. Though we keep moving away from each other, we never lose the need to be in relationship. Not listening creates fragmentation. Listening moves us closer to becoming more whole.

Here are some tips that, when I practice, make me a better listener.
• Listen as if the other person is truly wise.
• Listen with an openness to be influenced by another’s perspective.
• Listen in a way that supports the other to fully expressing themselves.
• Listen for deeper questions, patterns, and insights.

photo credit: B Rosen