Reflections on Trust

This week I’ve been thinking about trust; the influence it has on relationships, the impact it has on our work, and the process that creates it.  I have seen evidence in many organizational cultures that trust can easily erode during challenging or changing times.

As I reflect back on the employee groups that we have worked with to build a respectful workplace, the common experience I’ve had with all groups is that everyone recognizes the power of trust and wants to build trusting relationships with more people at work.

Our experience with employees is that it’s pretty easy to identify what a trusting relationship looks like.  All we have to do is think about one that we have in our lives.  The characteristics that are identified are always the same.

• You feel you can depend on them no matter what the situation – they “have your back”
• You can talk about anything and information flows freely – even constructive feedback because you believe they care and have the best intentions
• Listening to each other is a common practice
• Confidentiality is honored
• You are able to work out disagreements – these relationships endure conflict and differences are honored
• Trust gets built over time. It’s a process.

The real challenge for most of us is how to regain trust that has been lost or diminished and act on it.

Here is some great advice that one employee group offered as they worked to answer the question: What can I do to help regain or rebuild trust in a relationship where it’s been lost or diminished?

• Approach the other person and request a time to talk
• State your intentions – i.e. you want a stronger, healthier relationship
• Stay mindful of your own behavior and manage your emotions, staying true to your intent
• Be honest, share your perceptions (using “I” statements) and request what you want/need
• Ask the other person for their perspective and what they would request
• Restate what you heard and commit to what you can and will do to build a more trusting relationship
• Forgive the past, start fresh in the present and create a better future relationship
• Persevere – trust is a process that develops over time

Best wishes,

Georgine

F.E.A.R. The Acronym

I’m leading a workshop on change for a client in a couple of weeks and fear is always on the agenda whenever we talk about change.  Fear of the unknown associated with change generally has a significant influence on people, and I’m no exception.  If I allow myself to, I can imagine all sorts of lousy things happening.  So can lots of other people.  And, thus . . . the acronym: False Evidence Appearing Real.  One of Mark Twain’s famous quotations goes like this:  “I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”

When faced with change, there are certainly a lot of unknowns.  We don’t know what’s coming.  Nonetheless, we sometimes make stuff up about change and it’s usually stuff that brings forth fear.  The acronym reminds us that often what we make up is an illusion.  It just appears true because we’re really good at painting portraits of calamity.  We need to stop because what we make up might eventually become our reality.

As leaders, we have an extra responsibility of helping our teams eliminate false evidence from their point of view.  We must ask ourselves how we behave in the face of change.  If we make stuff up and act as though it’s real, that gives our teams a first-class ticket to the do the same.  Choose instead to make stuff up that paints a positive picture of the future.  Help others prepare for change by staying grounded in reality and dealing with what’s important moment by moment.  Here are some other things you can do to help your teams fight F.E.A.R.

• Establish and reinforce a clear vision.  What’s the outcome or the end game?  When everyone has a shared focus on a positive outcome, it’s easier to focus on possibilities rather than calamities.
• Talk about loss.  Any change involves some letting go.  So, allow it to be a natural part of the process.  Sometimes what we make up is that what we have to let go of is far superior to what’s coming, and that’s often not the case.
• Talk about potential.  Help people see the possibilities as they emerge and become clear.  Highlight them and link them to the overall vision of success.
• Nip F.E.A.R. in the bud.  When you hear false evidence being widely reported, call the team together and clear things up.  Make sure any “buzz” about what’s coming is constructive and truthful.
• Reinforce strengths.  Remind your team members that they are capable and competent and that you have faith in their ability to persevere and succeed through change.  Sometimes, people’s fear is nothing more than a worry about failure.  Clear that up right away.

Fearlessly,

Lynae

Lessons from the WIZ

I have been traveling a lot lately and miss being home. As much as I love the work that I do, I find that business travel can be quite exhausting sometimes – probably because I don’t have my own bed to sleep in or my favorite chair to relax into at the end of the day.

I found my mind replaying the same message today. over and over again; “there’s no place like home…there’s no place like home…there’s no place like home…”

Remember that movie? Watching the Wizard of Oz was a tradition in my household as I was growing up.

That classic movie had such an impact on me.

• I grew up on a farm in a small town and it caused me to dream about adventures in faraway places.
• The desires of the characters to obtain a “heart”, “courage” and a “brain” are exactly the qualities that I most admire in others and when I’m most honoring of myself, they are the qualities that I admire in myself.
• The fear the the Wicked Witch was bigger than it needed to be – she was melted away with water! Sometimes I let my “fears” get the best of me and make them bigger than they need to be.

The most meaning message in the movie for me was the camaraderie and friendship of diverse individuals who came together on their journey to support each other to be the best they could be. And…the journey was not without conflict.

The lessons that I think individuals and teams can take from the story of the Wizard of Oz are:

1. Everyone has their strengths and the team is stronger because of it.
2. Face your fears and you’ll probably find that they are not as big as you are imagining them to be.
3. Pursue your goals and don’t give up and you’ll find what you are looking for – sometimes in ways that you hadn’t imagined.

Respectfully yours,

Georgine

Why do we tend to look at what others are doing, instead of at what we are doing?

I’m a human being.  Yep, I admit it.  And, as one, I am guilty of looking outside of myself for the cause of my problems, my feelings, and my results.  Irritating.  I know I shouldn’t, because I have a giant responsibility (if not the sole responsibility) for everything that happens in my life.  Duh.  So why is it that I sometimes find myself looking around me for causes when the results aren’t what I’d like?  Why does anyone?

When I look outward, it’s because I don’t want to look at the character flaws I know I possess.  It’s easier to notice someone else’s flaws.  It doesn’t sting as much.  But, it is not only disrespectful toward the other . . . it’s disrespectful to myself.  By reducing me and those around me to a set of flaws by which I apply a measuring stick, I am setting myself and them up for failure.

I have a choice every day to look at myself as a miracle (and to see others that way too).  It is miraculous what we can achieve – alone and together, flaws and all.  So, how can I make this my reality?  How can I show myself more respect?

• I resolve to look more closely at my strengths, rather than to dissect my flaws.  (Because when I focus on my flaws, it makes me feel lousy and to make myself feel better, I start to look at the flaws of others.)
• I resolve to pay more attention to what I am doing to influence the results I am getting.  (Because it’s hardly ever someone else’s fault when my results aren’t good.)
• I resolve to lighten up when I foul up.  (Because, I am a human being, and sometimes, doo doo happens.)

What does it feel like to work in a respectful workplace?

I’m blessed to work with a partner who respects me, and who I respect.  As a result, our workplace is filled with grace and ease.  We have fun.  And, even when we don’t agree on something or find ourselves in a challenging circumstance, we’re able to approach the situation with kindness toward one another.  Okay, so from time to time I know I can be a little stubborn about things . . . and still, Georgine doesn’t respond with sharpness or impatience.  She hears me out.  And, I try to do the same for her.  I hope I’m successful most of the time.

So, when thinking about what it feels like to work in respectful workplace, it was easy for me to come up with some descriptors: fun, light-hearted, productive, responsive, creative, effective, inspiring, and safe.

I can’t imagine what it would feel like to work in a disrespectful workplace, and I don’t really want to find out.  All I know is that we have a respectful workplace because we choose it.  And, I have responsibilities in that department.  I can’t expect Georgine to do all the respect work.  Respect is a two-way street. Like our video says:  “Want more respect?  Do more respect.” So here are some of the most important things I have to do:

• Listen.  And, that doesn’t mean just keep my ears open.  It means I have to keep my mind and heart open to discover the meaning behind the words.
• Accept.  I have to take it as it comes.  Not everything gets to be on my terms.
• Collaborate.  I’m in a partnership.  It’s not all about me.
• Celebrate.  It’s important to acknowledge our successes and share what’s right in our world.

When I do these things, and more, I feel the respect we have for each other in my bones.  And, I love that feeling.

Stop and Listen

Listening is an action that everyone I have encountered agrees is respectful. Yet, as most others I imagine, my listening tends to be very egocentric. I find myself listening to others and my mind is affirming the commonalities I have (ways to relate to what they are saying) or observing ways I am different.

Listening to simply understand is a practice that takes self awareness and discipline.

I love this excerpt from Margaret Weatley’s book called Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future that I read a number of years ago and it reminds me about the importance of staying focused in the moment; to truly listen to a friend, colleague or family member share their voice and experience.
Great healing is available to us when we listen to each other. No matter what we have experienced in life, if we can tell our story to someone who listens, we find it easier to deal with our circumstances. Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present (and that takes practice!) and willing to just sit there and listen with the intent to understand. Why is being heard so healing? It has something to do with the fact that listening creates a relationship.

We know from science that nothing in the universe exists in isolation. Everything takes form from relationships. Our natural state is to be together. Though we keep moving away from each other, we never lose the need to be in relationship. Not listening creates fragmentation. Listening moves us closer to becoming more whole.

Here are some tips that, when I practice, make me a better listener.
• Listen as if the other person is truly wise.
• Listen with an openness to be influenced by another’s perspective.
• Listen in a way that supports the other to fully expressing themselves.
• Listen for deeper questions, patterns, and insights.

photo credit: B Rosen

RESPECT: Find out what it means to us!

I believe that we are all called to speak about or focus on topics that “call us”. The topic and practice of respect has been calling me for a couple of years now. I’m proud that my partner and I have answered the call. Interestingly, as the journey continues, so does my fascination with it.

My thoughts today are on the well know lyrics of a popular song by Aretha Franklin.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it means to me

I find myself singing those lyrics with great passion, hoping that the people in my life ask me the question that I long to answer for them. What does it mean to me?
In the quiet of my space, I wonder if they are longing to have me ask them the question.
What does respect mean to you?
Let us know what respect means to you.

Aretha_Franklin_-_Respect

Welcome!

Welcome to the world of respect! My name is Lynae, my name’s Georgine and we’re Madd-Steiny. Check out our youtube video about respect. It is an inspirational video designed to engage employees to act in ways that enhance your workplace culture. In just 3 minutes you can make a difference in your workplace, school, or community. This blog was started to create awareness and bring respect to all. Do you know the definition of respect? Here is what the dictionary says:

Respect is an esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability.

That’s the formal definition but we want to know what YOU think respect is.

Respect is…