Making Amends

The nature of being human includes making mistakes, missteps, or misstatements.  I can attest to being quite human then . . . especially lately.  Anyway, it’s important for us to make amends when we do something that has made someone else:

• Work hard to fix your mistake or clean up your mess
• Feel bad because you said something offensive or hurtful (even if unintentionally so)
• Question your integrity or intentions.

It’s important to make amends because it’s in the best interest of healthy and productive relationships to do so.  Whether in your professional or personal life, making amends and owning your mistakes is an act of commitment to relationship.  It says to others that you know your humanness has “gotten in the way” and you’re sorry.  It also says that you are aware of your shortcomings and are willing to look at them and work to overcome them.  Making amends is a powerful action that also builds trust among colleagues, partners and friends.  Mistakes are easier to forgive when there is an attempt to make amends.

Speaking of forgiveness . . . well, there’s another powerful act of commitment to relationship.  When someone with whom you work or are friends with makes a mistake, and he or she attempts to make amends, choose to forgive.  It takes courage to acknowledge one’s own mistakes.  Give the gift of forgiveness in return.  It’s a gift that will release both of you from feelings of resentment or mistrust.  And, it will hasten the return to productivity, grace and ease in the relationship.  Finally, it might make things that much easier for others to forgive you when the time comes that you slip up.  Because, that time will come, you human being.

Making amends includes:

• Being aware that your action(s) have caused hurt or inconvenience for others.
• Owning up to your shortcomings.
• Apologizing to those who have been affected.
• Forgiving yourself and moving on.

Accepting amends from others includes:

• Acknowledging and receiving their apology without judgment.
• Forgiving them and moving on.
• Hoping they’ll do the same for you when you next slip up.

Warmly,

Lynae

Is Perception Reality?

I’ve always been amazed with the 3-D artwork of Julian Beever.  I choose one of his pavement chalk drawings to accompany my blog this week because I wanted to write about perception.  And, his artwork is the perfect illustration that things are not always as they seem.

Our perceptions motivate our reactions to other people and situations, how we proceed with projects at work, the choices we make, the attitudes we express, etc.

One of my favorite perception stories is told in the book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey and it goes like this.

A store manager heard one of his salespeople say to a customer, “No, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.”  He then observed the customer turn and head for the door.  The manager was shocked to hear these words and rushed to the customer as she was walking out the door.  “That isn’t true,” he said, but the customer just gave him an odd look and walked out the door.  He confronted the salesperson and said, “Never, ever say that we don’t have something.  If we don’t have it, say we’ve ordered it and it’s on its way.  Now what did that customer want?  “Rain,” said the salesperson.

How often have you made an assumption or jumped to a conclusion, responded accordingly and then found out that the “miss” was in your perception?  I have, plenty of times!  It’s easy to do.

This story reminds me that everyone has a unique perspective because of their frame of reference.  And, this story reminds me to stay curious and observant in life, to ask questions to understand diverse perspectives, and to gather information about a situation before I form an opinion.

Respectfully yours, Georgine

“Our paradigms, correct or incorrect, are the sources of our attitudes and behaviors, and ultimately our relationships with others.”  Stephen Covey

The Power of Words

I attended a conference recently and had the pleasure of hearing Dr. Doreen Virtue speak. She spoke of the energetic power of the words. Because words are essentially sound waves they do have mass and do have an effect on us.

The most important lesson I took away is that our positive words are so much more powerful to influence our relationships, customer service, team environment, and work culture.

In a service situation the language that we use can have a strong effect on how the customer perceives our service. And, the words we use with our co-workers can have a strong effect on how our team operates together.

Numerous studies have shown how the words we speak to ourselves have an impact on the way we feel and act. Words are a powerful force and the powerful effects of negative words cannot be underestimated. Because we are constantly giving messages to ourselves and others, it is more vital than ever to ensure that those words you hear in your mind and speak to others are as positive as possible.

I invite you to put it to the test for just one week. Try to be consciously aware of the way you speak and see where you could choose words that are more positive. I believe that you will be pleased by the results.

Here is a list of 10 positive words and phrases that you may want to try.

1.    Yes
2.    I understand
3.    What I can do is …
4.    How can I help?
5.    I’m sorry for …
6.    I would suggest/recommend …
7.    What I like about what you said is …
8.    That’s interesting
9.    Tell me more
10.  What a great opportunity

Yours truly, Georgine

Honoring Diversity – What Makes You Unique?

One of the reasons I love what I do is because of the fascinating people I have the opportunity to meet every day.  The highly social aspect of my personality is always curious about others; their “stories” and deepening relationships by just getting to know them.

One of the exercises that Madd-Steiny often facilitates in our learning modules around the topic of honoring diversity has participants answer the simple question: ‘What makes you unique?’

We hear that life experiences in diverse cultures and communities, family systems, education, life events, and work experiences create each of our unique stories.  Invariably, this discussion always creates a curiosity to hear more about the unique and individual stories.

We believe that in order to embrace a culture of respect and inclusion every individual needs to be honored for their uniqueness.  This can be advanced in any organization when individuals and groups take time to create a forum where dialogue and listening can take place.

One of my all time favorite authors, Margaret Wheatley, said it best in her book Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future.

“Great healing is available to us when we listen to each other.  No matter what we have experienced in life, if we can tell our story to someone who listens, we find it easier to deal with our circumstances.  Listening is such a simple act.  It requires us to be present (and that takes practice!) and willing to just sit there and listen with the intent to understand.  Why is being heard so healing?  It has something to do with the fact that listening creates a relationship.

We know from science that nothing in the universe exists in isolation.  Everything takes form from relationships.  Our natural state is to be together.  Though we keep moving away from each other, we never lose the need to be in relationship.  Not listening creates fragmentation.  Listening moves us closer to becoming more whole.”

Here are some questions that you might consider asking others to learn about what makes them unique:

·    What is your favorite thing about this time of year?
·    What traditions do you practice in your family that has a legacy?
·    What was an experience in your life that was a “defining moment” for you and shaped who you are today?

Enjoy and honor the stories you’ll hear!

Sincerely, Georgine

Effective Communication

Research indicates that employees spend somewhere between 75% – 80% of their total time at work communicating in one way or another.  This isn’t surprising, since communication is so crucial to everything that goes on in an organization.  Communication is the “life blood” of an organization.

Without effective communication there can be little or no performance management, innovation, understanding of clients, understanding of mission, alerts to changes, coordination of effort, etc.

Research also indicates that many managers and employees do not communicate well, and do not set an organizational culture where communication within the organization is managed effectively.

Poor communication is self-sustaining, because it eliminates an important “feedback loop”.  Employees are reluctant to “communicate” their concerns about communication because they do not perceive the manager as receptive.  Both staff and management play out a little dance.

Effective organizational communication, regardless of form, requires three things.

1.    All players must have the appropriate skills and understanding to communicate well.

2.    Effective organizational communication requires a culture that supports effective communication.  This involves trust, openness, reinforcement of good communication practices, and shared responsibility for making communication effective.

3.    Effective communication requires attention.  It doesn’t just happen, but develops as a result of an intentional effort on the part of management and staff.  Too often, communication, whether it is good or bad, is taken for granted.

You play a critical role in fostering and nurturing a culture that is characterized by open communication.  Without this culture, all the best laid plans, resources and skills in the organization will be wasted. We must bring communication to the forefront of our organization and give it attention.  If you make the effort to improve communication, your employees will recognize that it is important.  If you ignore it, so will your employees.

“True interactivity is not about clicking on icons or downloading files, it’s about encouraging communication.” Edwin Schlossberg

With Respect,

Georgine

Reflections on Trust

This week I’ve been thinking about trust; the influence it has on relationships, the impact it has on our work, and the process that creates it.  I have seen evidence in many organizational cultures that trust can easily erode during challenging or changing times.

As I reflect back on the employee groups that we have worked with to build a respectful workplace, the common experience I’ve had with all groups is that everyone recognizes the power of trust and wants to build trusting relationships with more people at work.

Our experience with employees is that it’s pretty easy to identify what a trusting relationship looks like.  All we have to do is think about one that we have in our lives.  The characteristics that are identified are always the same.

• You feel you can depend on them no matter what the situation – they “have your back”
• You can talk about anything and information flows freely – even constructive feedback because you believe they care and have the best intentions
• Listening to each other is a common practice
• Confidentiality is honored
• You are able to work out disagreements – these relationships endure conflict and differences are honored
• Trust gets built over time. It’s a process.

The real challenge for most of us is how to regain trust that has been lost or diminished and act on it.

Here is some great advice that one employee group offered as they worked to answer the question: What can I do to help regain or rebuild trust in a relationship where it’s been lost or diminished?

• Approach the other person and request a time to talk
• State your intentions – i.e. you want a stronger, healthier relationship
• Stay mindful of your own behavior and manage your emotions, staying true to your intent
• Be honest, share your perceptions (using “I” statements) and request what you want/need
• Ask the other person for their perspective and what they would request
• Restate what you heard and commit to what you can and will do to build a more trusting relationship
• Forgive the past, start fresh in the present and create a better future relationship
• Persevere – trust is a process that develops over time

Best wishes,

Georgine

Everyone has a story.

Last night I went out for dinner with some very dear friends. You know; the type of friends that you’ve shared life experiences with for over 30 years! The kind of friends that you may only see a few times a year as a whole group, but you don’t skip a beat when you do get together.

Early in the evening, I found myself jumping from one conversation to the other and getting fragmented stories of joys and challenges over the last year. Then, one woman suggested we take turns telling our stories. What a great idea!

The opportunity to focus and really listen to the stories of each of these dear friends was very satisfying. Not only was it incredibly fulfilling to have someone really listen to me and my story, it was deeply meaningful to listen to the uniqueness of each of our life journeys and realize that we have more in common then we have different.

The memories of the evening have me thinking about what it means to honor diversity. Today my thoughts are that at the heart of honoring diversity is the realization that we are more alike than different and that even though our culture, life experiences, family of origin, belief systems and choices may be broad and varied, we all are on the same journey – to learn about how we can be the best person we can be – be someone we can honor through all of life’s joys and challenges.

Here are some good questions that you can use to encourage others to share their story with you.

• Tell me more about that…
• What are you experiencing with that – joy and/or challenge?
• Are you ok?
• How can I best support you?

~Georgine

Stop and Listen

Listening is an action that everyone I have encountered agrees is respectful. Yet, as most others I imagine, my listening tends to be very egocentric. I find myself listening to others and my mind is affirming the commonalities I have (ways to relate to what they are saying) or observing ways I am different.

Listening to simply understand is a practice that takes self awareness and discipline.

I love this excerpt from Margaret Weatley’s book called Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future that I read a number of years ago and it reminds me about the importance of staying focused in the moment; to truly listen to a friend, colleague or family member share their voice and experience.
Great healing is available to us when we listen to each other. No matter what we have experienced in life, if we can tell our story to someone who listens, we find it easier to deal with our circumstances. Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present (and that takes practice!) and willing to just sit there and listen with the intent to understand. Why is being heard so healing? It has something to do with the fact that listening creates a relationship.

We know from science that nothing in the universe exists in isolation. Everything takes form from relationships. Our natural state is to be together. Though we keep moving away from each other, we never lose the need to be in relationship. Not listening creates fragmentation. Listening moves us closer to becoming more whole.

Here are some tips that, when I practice, make me a better listener.
• Listen as if the other person is truly wise.
• Listen with an openness to be influenced by another’s perspective.
• Listen in a way that supports the other to fully expressing themselves.
• Listen for deeper questions, patterns, and insights.

photo credit: B Rosen