F.E.A.R. The Acronym

I’m leading a workshop on change for a client in a couple of weeks and fear is always on the agenda whenever we talk about change.  Fear of the unknown associated with change generally has a significant influence on people, and I’m no exception.  If I allow myself to, I can imagine all sorts of lousy things happening.  So can lots of other people.  And, thus . . . the acronym: False Evidence Appearing Real.  One of Mark Twain’s famous quotations goes like this:  “I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”

When faced with change, there are certainly a lot of unknowns.  We don’t know what’s coming.  Nonetheless, we sometimes make stuff up about change and it’s usually stuff that brings forth fear.  The acronym reminds us that often what we make up is an illusion.  It just appears true because we’re really good at painting portraits of calamity.  We need to stop because what we make up might eventually become our reality.

As leaders, we have an extra responsibility of helping our teams eliminate false evidence from their point of view.  We must ask ourselves how we behave in the face of change.  If we make stuff up and act as though it’s real, that gives our teams a first-class ticket to the do the same.  Choose instead to make stuff up that paints a positive picture of the future.  Help others prepare for change by staying grounded in reality and dealing with what’s important moment by moment.  Here are some other things you can do to help your teams fight F.E.A.R.

• Establish and reinforce a clear vision.  What’s the outcome or the end game?  When everyone has a shared focus on a positive outcome, it’s easier to focus on possibilities rather than calamities.
• Talk about loss.  Any change involves some letting go.  So, allow it to be a natural part of the process.  Sometimes what we make up is that what we have to let go of is far superior to what’s coming, and that’s often not the case.
• Talk about potential.  Help people see the possibilities as they emerge and become clear.  Highlight them and link them to the overall vision of success.
• Nip F.E.A.R. in the bud.  When you hear false evidence being widely reported, call the team together and clear things up.  Make sure any “buzz” about what’s coming is constructive and truthful.
• Reinforce strengths.  Remind your team members that they are capable and competent and that you have faith in their ability to persevere and succeed through change.  Sometimes, people’s fear is nothing more than a worry about failure.  Clear that up right away.

Fearlessly,

Lynae

Everyone has a story.

Last night I went out for dinner with some very dear friends. You know; the type of friends that you’ve shared life experiences with for over 30 years! The kind of friends that you may only see a few times a year as a whole group, but you don’t skip a beat when you do get together.

Early in the evening, I found myself jumping from one conversation to the other and getting fragmented stories of joys and challenges over the last year. Then, one woman suggested we take turns telling our stories. What a great idea!

The opportunity to focus and really listen to the stories of each of these dear friends was very satisfying. Not only was it incredibly fulfilling to have someone really listen to me and my story, it was deeply meaningful to listen to the uniqueness of each of our life journeys and realize that we have more in common then we have different.

The memories of the evening have me thinking about what it means to honor diversity. Today my thoughts are that at the heart of honoring diversity is the realization that we are more alike than different and that even though our culture, life experiences, family of origin, belief systems and choices may be broad and varied, we all are on the same journey – to learn about how we can be the best person we can be – be someone we can honor through all of life’s joys and challenges.

Here are some good questions that you can use to encourage others to share their story with you.

• Tell me more about that…
• What are you experiencing with that – joy and/or challenge?
• Are you ok?
• How can I best support you?

~Georgine

Stop and Listen

Listening is an action that everyone I have encountered agrees is respectful. Yet, as most others I imagine, my listening tends to be very egocentric. I find myself listening to others and my mind is affirming the commonalities I have (ways to relate to what they are saying) or observing ways I am different.

Listening to simply understand is a practice that takes self awareness and discipline.

I love this excerpt from Margaret Weatley’s book called Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future that I read a number of years ago and it reminds me about the importance of staying focused in the moment; to truly listen to a friend, colleague or family member share their voice and experience.
Great healing is available to us when we listen to each other. No matter what we have experienced in life, if we can tell our story to someone who listens, we find it easier to deal with our circumstances. Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present (and that takes practice!) and willing to just sit there and listen with the intent to understand. Why is being heard so healing? It has something to do with the fact that listening creates a relationship.

We know from science that nothing in the universe exists in isolation. Everything takes form from relationships. Our natural state is to be together. Though we keep moving away from each other, we never lose the need to be in relationship. Not listening creates fragmentation. Listening moves us closer to becoming more whole.

Here are some tips that, when I practice, make me a better listener.
• Listen as if the other person is truly wise.
• Listen with an openness to be influenced by another’s perspective.
• Listen in a way that supports the other to fully expressing themselves.
• Listen for deeper questions, patterns, and insights.

photo credit: B Rosen