Is Perception Reality?

I’ve always been amazed with the 3-D artwork of Julian Beever.  I choose one of his pavement chalk drawings to accompany my blog this week because I wanted to write about perception.  And, his artwork is the perfect illustration that things are not always as they seem.

Our perceptions motivate our reactions to other people and situations, how we proceed with projects at work, the choices we make, the attitudes we express, etc.

One of my favorite perception stories is told in the book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey and it goes like this.

A store manager heard one of his salespeople say to a customer, “No, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.”  He then observed the customer turn and head for the door.  The manager was shocked to hear these words and rushed to the customer as she was walking out the door.  “That isn’t true,” he said, but the customer just gave him an odd look and walked out the door.  He confronted the salesperson and said, “Never, ever say that we don’t have something.  If we don’t have it, say we’ve ordered it and it’s on its way.  Now what did that customer want?  “Rain,” said the salesperson.

How often have you made an assumption or jumped to a conclusion, responded accordingly and then found out that the “miss” was in your perception?  I have, plenty of times!  It’s easy to do.

This story reminds me that everyone has a unique perspective because of their frame of reference.  And, this story reminds me to stay curious and observant in life, to ask questions to understand diverse perspectives, and to gather information about a situation before I form an opinion.

Respectfully yours, Georgine

“Our paradigms, correct or incorrect, are the sources of our attitudes and behaviors, and ultimately our relationships with others.”  Stephen Covey

Practice Respect by Demonstrating an Open Mind

I’ve been thinking lately about the power of having an open mind.  Probably because the holiday season brings increased social gatherings with friends and families in which we get to engage in good old fashioned dialogue. I had a conversation with my spouse the other day on the way home from one of these gatherings about “open-mindedness”.

The text book definition of “open minded” includes words like; curiosity, impartially, non-prejudice and broad-minded.  My favorite is “receptive”.  When we are receptive, we can actively listen to any thought or idea even if we disagree.

Aristotle once said, “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it”. I think that what he is saying is that everyone has their own “truth” and it may not be what is true for you at the moment.

An individual’s belief system is based on things like life experiences, upbringing, generational influences and ethnicity.  Everyone has an interesting and unique story that has shaped their beliefs.  I have found that if I practice listening to others with a curiosity to understand their perspective, I learn a lot about that person and more often than not, broaden my own perspective and viewpoint.

With the New Year just ahead of us, we often think about resolutions; changes we want to make to expand our businesses, ways we can improve our health or build our skills.  Keeping an open mind will help you in finding new ways of doing things and make change more exciting.

Here are a few tips that will help you keep an open mind.
1.    Let go of the need to be “right”. Allow everyone to be “right” and see how it transforms a conversation.
2.    Listen actively and practice clarifying what you heard and understood the other person to say.
3.    Exercise your curiosity by asking questions to better understand someone’s perspective.  Chances are you’ll learn a lot!

Respectfully,

Georgine

Beliefs

I’m always struck by the power of my beliefs on how the way I act.  Often, my beliefs are based on old patterns or habits that I’ve formed from past experiences.  Perhaps you can relate.  What’s important to keep in mind is that when we act out of old patterns, it keeps us from being “in the moment” and present to the needs of those around us.

Here are some commonly-held beliefs that influence our choices (and not always in a positive way):

·    In order for me to win, someone has to lose.
·    If I’m the leader (or boss), I have to know all the answers.
·    If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
·    No pain, no gain.
·    Big boys don’t cry.
·    If you want something done right, do it yourself.
·    Take care of #1.

Beliefs impact our behavior, and if we hold beliefs that have negative connotation, our actions will likely have negative results.  For example, if I held the belief that “in order for me to win, someone has to lose”, it’s likely I would create a sense of competition at work and end up alienating my team mates.

So, here’s another take on the beliefs listed above that are more likely to keep you (and me) in the present moment:

·    In order for me to win, others have to win as well.
·    If I’m the leader (or boss), I don’t have to know all the answers, I just need to know how to involve those who do.
·    If you can’t say something nice, there’s probably a conflict you need to solve.
·    No pain, is a good thing for everyone.
·    Every human feels pain and expresses it in his or her own way.
·    If you want something done right, give people the tools to succeed.
·    Take care of yourself so you can be available to take care of others.

I would love to hear some of your old patterns and beliefs that no longer serve you.  And, then, I’d like to hear how you can change them up to help you be more present to yourself and those around you.

Lynae

The Power of Words

I attended a conference recently and had the pleasure of hearing Dr. Doreen Virtue speak. She spoke of the energetic power of the words. Because words are essentially sound waves they do have mass and do have an effect on us.

The most important lesson I took away is that our positive words are so much more powerful to influence our relationships, customer service, team environment, and work culture.

In a service situation the language that we use can have a strong effect on how the customer perceives our service. And, the words we use with our co-workers can have a strong effect on how our team operates together.

Numerous studies have shown how the words we speak to ourselves have an impact on the way we feel and act. Words are a powerful force and the powerful effects of negative words cannot be underestimated. Because we are constantly giving messages to ourselves and others, it is more vital than ever to ensure that those words you hear in your mind and speak to others are as positive as possible.

I invite you to put it to the test for just one week. Try to be consciously aware of the way you speak and see where you could choose words that are more positive. I believe that you will be pleased by the results.

Here is a list of 10 positive words and phrases that you may want to try.

1.    Yes
2.    I understand
3.    What I can do is …
4.    How can I help?
5.    I’m sorry for …
6.    I would suggest/recommend …
7.    What I like about what you said is …
8.    That’s interesting
9.    Tell me more
10.  What a great opportunity

Yours truly, Georgine

Effective Communication

Research indicates that employees spend somewhere between 75% – 80% of their total time at work communicating in one way or another.  This isn’t surprising, since communication is so crucial to everything that goes on in an organization.  Communication is the “life blood” of an organization.

Without effective communication there can be little or no performance management, innovation, understanding of clients, understanding of mission, alerts to changes, coordination of effort, etc.

Research also indicates that many managers and employees do not communicate well, and do not set an organizational culture where communication within the organization is managed effectively.

Poor communication is self-sustaining, because it eliminates an important “feedback loop”.  Employees are reluctant to “communicate” their concerns about communication because they do not perceive the manager as receptive.  Both staff and management play out a little dance.

Effective organizational communication, regardless of form, requires three things.

1.    All players must have the appropriate skills and understanding to communicate well.

2.    Effective organizational communication requires a culture that supports effective communication.  This involves trust, openness, reinforcement of good communication practices, and shared responsibility for making communication effective.

3.    Effective communication requires attention.  It doesn’t just happen, but develops as a result of an intentional effort on the part of management and staff.  Too often, communication, whether it is good or bad, is taken for granted.

You play a critical role in fostering and nurturing a culture that is characterized by open communication.  Without this culture, all the best laid plans, resources and skills in the organization will be wasted. We must bring communication to the forefront of our organization and give it attention.  If you make the effort to improve communication, your employees will recognize that it is important.  If you ignore it, so will your employees.

“True interactivity is not about clicking on icons or downloading files, it’s about encouraging communication.” Edwin Schlossberg

With Respect,

Georgine

Everyone has a story.

Last night I went out for dinner with some very dear friends. You know; the type of friends that you’ve shared life experiences with for over 30 years! The kind of friends that you may only see a few times a year as a whole group, but you don’t skip a beat when you do get together.

Early in the evening, I found myself jumping from one conversation to the other and getting fragmented stories of joys and challenges over the last year. Then, one woman suggested we take turns telling our stories. What a great idea!

The opportunity to focus and really listen to the stories of each of these dear friends was very satisfying. Not only was it incredibly fulfilling to have someone really listen to me and my story, it was deeply meaningful to listen to the uniqueness of each of our life journeys and realize that we have more in common then we have different.

The memories of the evening have me thinking about what it means to honor diversity. Today my thoughts are that at the heart of honoring diversity is the realization that we are more alike than different and that even though our culture, life experiences, family of origin, belief systems and choices may be broad and varied, we all are on the same journey – to learn about how we can be the best person we can be – be someone we can honor through all of life’s joys and challenges.

Here are some good questions that you can use to encourage others to share their story with you.

• Tell me more about that…
• What are you experiencing with that – joy and/or challenge?
• Are you ok?
• How can I best support you?

~Georgine

Stop and Listen

Listening is an action that everyone I have encountered agrees is respectful. Yet, as most others I imagine, my listening tends to be very egocentric. I find myself listening to others and my mind is affirming the commonalities I have (ways to relate to what they are saying) or observing ways I am different.

Listening to simply understand is a practice that takes self awareness and discipline.

I love this excerpt from Margaret Weatley’s book called Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future that I read a number of years ago and it reminds me about the importance of staying focused in the moment; to truly listen to a friend, colleague or family member share their voice and experience.
Great healing is available to us when we listen to each other. No matter what we have experienced in life, if we can tell our story to someone who listens, we find it easier to deal with our circumstances. Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present (and that takes practice!) and willing to just sit there and listen with the intent to understand. Why is being heard so healing? It has something to do with the fact that listening creates a relationship.

We know from science that nothing in the universe exists in isolation. Everything takes form from relationships. Our natural state is to be together. Though we keep moving away from each other, we never lose the need to be in relationship. Not listening creates fragmentation. Listening moves us closer to becoming more whole.

Here are some tips that, when I practice, make me a better listener.
• Listen as if the other person is truly wise.
• Listen with an openness to be influenced by another’s perspective.
• Listen in a way that supports the other to fully expressing themselves.
• Listen for deeper questions, patterns, and insights.

photo credit: B Rosen