Getting What You Want

Over the weekend of July 15th, Georgine and I attended the International eWomenNetwork Conference in Dallas.  Among several great speakers was the incomparable and much beloved Zig Ziglar.  In spite of being 85 and having suffered some minor short term memory loss as a result of a fall in his home more than 3 years ago, he is still traveling the world spreading his message of inspiration and motivation.  With the help of his daughter (who interviews him and helps him remember things), he shared stories about his childhood, his long-term marriage, and the importance of family – something he refers to as the “home court advantage.”  His talk was heartwarming and poignant.

Of all the things he said, one thing had the greatest impact on me.  He said, “You can have anything you want if you help others get what they want.”  This idea is central to respect because it’s about doing for others, honoring the needs of others, and recognizing that there may be others who require support more immediately than you do.  Now, I admit . . . this can be hard at times.  I speak from experience when I say that sometimes when I’m in need, I’m convinced that it is indeed the most important thing happening.  It takes self-awareness and humility to recognize and internalize that the world doesn’t revolve solely around me (or you).

When Madd-Steiny works with clients to manage change, we encourage small acts of getting what you want through helping others get what they want.  This is especially important during times of change because just about everyone is dealing with some sense of loss or struggling through transition.  Everyone needs something.  So, by helping others, there is an energy shift that takes place and the result is more space for solutions.  Sometimes, by focusing on the needs of others, we learn that our needs are not as significant as we initially thought – we might even let go of something because it’s clear that it doesn’t matter as much as someone else’s need.  Here are some things you can do to get more of what you want, during times of change or any time:

·    Every day, ask at least one person: “How can I support you today?”
·    Offer to take something off a co-worker’s plate.
·    Take on some extra assignments to reduce someone else’s workload.
·    Listen with compassion (and without talking) when a colleague needs to “let off some steam.”
·    Recognize the successes of your teammates loudly and proudly.

When I’ve taken the time to extend a hand to help others, it has always helped me get what I want.  I hope the same is true for you.

Lynae

No Gossip Zone

We heard from one of our clients the other day who was quite excited about something.  He wanted to implement a “no gossip zone” within his organization.  His enthusiasm resulted from a book that he read by Sam Chapman – The No-Gossip Zone.

Needless to say, he got my attention!

From our experience, nothing can sink a team faster than the disrespectful communication of gossip, zingers, and whining!  We define these practices as:

Gossip is going behind someone’s back and saying something about him/her that you wouldn’t want him/her to know you said.

Zingers are quick-witted jokes made at someone else’s expense. It is a way of criticizing others under the cover of a joke.

Whining is repeated complaining and venting of frustrations without any attention given to potential solutions.

Perhaps we’ve all gossiped, zinged or whined from time to time, and maybe we’ve been a victim of one or more as well.

So, how can we do away with these destructive behaviors and create a work environment of acceptance, fun, and empowerment that is focused on authentic and respectful communication?  Here are three action items to get you started:

1. Start with you. Be the change. Remove gossip, zingers and whining from your communication repertoire. Think of it as a cleansing process. No longer participate in conversations about others who are not present. Articulate your new commitment to your co-workers. It’s likely they will respect you for it.
2. Open a dialogue with team members about the destructive communication of gossip, zingers and whining. Call out each individual’s responsibility to communicate authentically and respectfully. Check out how Madd-Steiny can help you teach skills that give employees alternative behaviors to gossip, zingers and whining.
3. Establish clear performance expectations that define the behaviors of authentic and respectful communication. Address and deal with the destructive communication behaviors of gossip, zingers and whining as a performance issue. Coach employees to higher levels of performance and support their development to grow and improve.

Most sincerely,

Georgine